My Hero

This may seem cliche, but I owe almost everything I am to my mother. It's true that I wouldn't be a quarter of the person I am without her influence. As a child of an early divorce, my mother became one of the largest influences in my life. I'm positive it wasn't easy to raise me. Trust me, I live with myself on a day to day basis and I am all too aware of how stubborn, loud, talkative, and opinionated I can be. But somehow, as she was struggling to regain her very own footing, she taught me how to find mine. My mother is the type of person who picked up extra nursing shifts to buy her daughter those coveted white lace-up high heel boots. The type of person who seamlessly transitioned from ordering all her clothes out of expensive magazines to not buying a single clothing item for herself for many many years. She is the type of person who never pitted me against my father, but instead spent hours making sure I knew I was loved by both of them. She never made me feel guilty, responsible, or the cause of my parents divorce, though I am all too aware that my existence permanently changed the dynamic of the household. My mother is the type of person who claims to be too judgmental, too opinionated, not very nice and yet still manages to make everyone feel right at home. Growing up, the tough (for me) fact is that my friends only came to hang out at my house to visit with my mother. She has this way about her, this tone, that makes you immediately open up and begin spilling your soul. My mother is the type of person that has always fought for the underdog and never taken wealth and prestige seriously. She is the reason that I won't let my friends use the words "retarded" or "gay" as replacements for stupid. She is the reason that I can't stand when people are judged on their looks instead of their intelligence. SHE is the reason I can't stand when people look the other way when someone is suffering. My mother is the reason I know what compassion means. The reason I know what Grace and Forgiveness mean. She has always been there to remind me to believe in people, even against all odds. She has always reminded me that I need to believe in myself as well. My biggest cheerleader and my biggest critic. My mother is still the most consistent person in my life to date. There has never been a single moment where I have felt that she doesn't love me. Despite our many fights during my teenage years, I rested assured that no matter how much pushing back I did, she would never push me away. Years later, we still don't always see eye to eye, but I love the fact that I never have to walk on eggshells around her. I am never afraid that I might say something too forward, too opinionated, demand too much, reveal too much; I know she will never walk away from me. She is my mother and I am her daughter. Recently my mother moved hundreds of miles away from me. Away from the town I grew up in, away from the rest of her family, because for the first time in almost 21 years, she began to think about her own needs again. Failing health left her looking for a warmer place to live, and I knew that in order to even think about moving far away from me, she must have been in a lot of pain. Still, she asked me several times if I was ok with her moving and made me promise that I would tell her if I needed her to stay. Not just once, but many many times. Each time, I reassured her that I wanted nothing more in the world than for her to start taking care of her self, for her to be just the smallest amount of selfish, for her to recognize that she had sacrificed herself for my sake for much too long. Before she moved away, she and I got semi-matching tattoos. Behind our right ears, we have the script for mother and daughter respectively in Hebrew text. Wherever I go in life, whatever I do, and no matter how far away we find ourselves- She will always be my mother and I will always, always be her daughter. I love you mom and I am eternally grateful for the woman that you have been and continue to be.